The Top 10 Screamers In Rock

by Jeffrey Dale Starr

I have to admit - I'm a sucker for a great scream in a rock song. It kind of epitomizes the whole spirit of rock and roll: as Iggy Pop would call it, raw power. These are my 10 favorites. I realize that I'm excluding some bands that do nothing BUT scream, but where's the real power in that? As Charles Thompson would tell you- you can't have light without dark and you can't have loud without quiet.

10. Paul McCartney
Best Scream: "Helter Skelter"

9. John Lydon (Public Image Ltd.)
Best Scream: "Public Image"

8. Prince
Best Scream: "Let's Go Crazy"

7. Bon Scott (AC/DC)
Best Scream: "TNT"

6. Robert Plant (Led Zeppelin)
Best Scream: "Immigrant Song"

5. Al Jourgensen (Ministry)
Best Scream: "Stigmata"

4. Janis Joplin
Best Scream: "Piece Of My Heart"

3. Joe Strummer (The Clash)
Best Scream: "White Riot"

2. Jim Morrison (The Doors)
Best Scream: "Light My Fire"

1. Black Francis (Pixies)
Best Scream: "Tame"

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Jeff Starr is San Francisco-based Impressionist oil painter who concentrates on themes of Japan, Dreams, Europe and California.

http://www.jeffreydalestarr.com/

The Top 15 Quotes From "Futurama"

by Jeffrey Dale Starr

15.
Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?

14.
Fry: My God! What if the secret ingredient…is people!?
Leela: No, there's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola.
Fry: Oh. How is it?
Leela: It varies from person to person.

13.
Zapp Brannigan: One day a man has everything. The next day he blows up a 400 billion dollar space station. And the next day he has nothing. It makes you think.
Kif: No it doesn't.

12.
Morbo: Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates... PUNY HUMAN NUMBER ONE, PUNY HUMAN NUMBER TWO, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.
Nixon: Hello Morbo, how's the family?
Morbo: Belligerent and numerous.
Nixon: Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.

11.
Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle's not so bad?
Soldier: Oh right. I forgot about the battle.

10.
Farnsworth: Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry's worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.
Zoidberg: There's no part of that sentence I didn't like!

9.
Fry: Hey, wait, I'm having one of those things... you know, a headache with pictures.
Leela: An idea?
Fry: Mmm! Mmm hmm!

8.
Bender: Interesting. No, wait, the other thing: tedious.

7.
Amy: Ewww! Pukeatronic!

6.
Announcer: Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Conventions, the Inventor of the Environment, and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore!
Al Gore: I have ridden the mighty moon worm!
Fry: Good for him.
Al Gore: My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution. As well as dark wizards.
Dark Wizard: Sure, blame the wizards!

5.
Farnsworth: Oh, I don't have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.

4.
Leela: You're blackmailing me?
Bender: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool.

3.
Waiter: What can I get you?
Zoidberg: Is bread free?
Waiter: Yes.
Zoidberg: We'll split an order.

2.
Beck: You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like when I wrote Devil's Haircut, I was feeling really... what's that song about?

1.
Bender: You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

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Jeff Starr is San Francisco-based Impressionist oil painter who concentrates on themes of Japan, Dreams, Europe and California.

http://www.jeffreydalestarr.com/

The Top 10 Quotes From "The Simpsons"

by Jeffrey Dale Starr

Kudos to my brother John for giving me this idea.

10.
Hans Moleman: I was saying Boo-urns.

9.
Ralph Wiggum: I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

8.
Marge: Grandpa, are you sitting on the apple pie?
Grandpa: I sure hope so...

7.
Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

6.
Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

5.
Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (polygraph machine blows up)

4.
Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.

3.
Troy McClure: Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help tapes as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!".

2.
C. Montgomery Burns: I feel like such a free spirit, and I'm really enjoying this so-called...iced cream.

1.
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

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Jeff Starr is San Francisco-based Impressionist oil painter who concentrates on themes of Japan, Dreams, Europe and California.

http://www.jeffreydalestarr.com/

The Top 10 TV Shows For Nerds

by Jeffrey Dale Starr

Nerds love to talk. To discuss. To argue. To debate the merits of Item A compared to Item B. So the main criteria I used on this list was: Which TV shows generate the most discussion from nerds in their native habitat (Comic-Con)?

10. The Wild Wild West
OK, this show is old. But it deserves mention as one of the earliest nerd addictions. This show is just plain weird. How did it get made? Ostensibly a western, "The Wild Wild West" regularly featured evil midgets, comic-book type villains with elaborate lairs, and more gadgets than 5 James Bond movies put together. It's a shame that Robert Conrad was revealed to be a macho jerk in real life. As James West he was really cool.

9. Battlestar Galactica
To which version of the series do I refer? It doesn't matter. Both are nerd magnets. I was a teenager when the first series premiered, and there was intense excitement and hype about it ahead of time. "It's 'Star Wars' as a TV series!!" Uh, not exactly. The special effects were OK. But the science fiction was solid. The idea of nomads searching for a home is very romantic, and Starbuck is a great name for a space pilot.

8. The Avengers
A more interesting and entertaining couple has never appeared on TV than John Steed and Emma Peel. Diana Rigg didn't appear throughout the entire run, but for true fans when they hear "Avengers" they think "Emma Peel". Aside from solid sci-fi/espionage, Steed and Emma have such delightful, urbane banter that these episodes can be watched again and again.

7. Doctor Who
This craziness has been running since 1963, 751 episodes at last count. 10 different actors have portrayed the good doctor thusfar (Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker being my favorites). To give you an idea of the labyrinth plot, here's an excerpt from Wikipedia: The character of the Doctor was initially shrouded in mystery. All that was known about him in the programme's early days was that he was an eccentric alien traveller of great intelligence who battled injustice while exploring time and space in an unreliable old time machine called the TARDIS, an acronym for Time And Relative Dimension(s) In Space. As it appears much larger on the inside than on the outside, the TARDIS has been described by the Third Doctor as "dimensionally transcendental" and, due to a malfunction of its Chameleon Circuit, is stuck in the shape of a 1950s-style British police box. Got that?

6. The Prisoner
For a show that only produced 17 episodes, this gem sure has staying power. Patrick McGoohan plays the titular role, a former British agent who is permanently detained on a mysterious island. Some of the best aspects of the show deal with its dreamy nature. So many mind games are played on "Number 6", it's often hard to tell what's real and what's in his head. This show is a definite pioneer for psychological stuff like "Lost".

5. Futurama
This is a golden age for television animation. From "The Simpsons" to "Family Guy", "King Of The Hill" and "Dr. Katz", some of the funniest cartoons for adults are being produced for our generation. But "Futurama" is especially geared toward nerds. Utilizing great sci-fi, subtle math and science jokes, endless pop-culture references, and guest stars like Stephen Hawking, Al Gore and Beck, "Futurama" is nerd's hilarious dream.

4. Heroes
One of the things that makes this show so appealing to nerds is the fact that "Heroes" treats its subject matter with respect. With production values worthy of a feature film, "Heroes" treats an X-Men type situation as if it were really happening (in the vein of "Watchmen"). Often dark and disturbing, there are still plenty of joyful moments courtesy of Hiro (Masi Oka).

3. The X-Files
The final three on this list truly inspire nerd obsession. The series that launched a thousand chatrooms, "The X-Files" have triggered millions of indepth nerd conversations. Personally, I really got into ongoing aspects of the show - the black oil, Cancer Man, Mulder and Scully's relationship. Didn't care for the gross-out, freak of the week stand alone shows courtesy of Gough and Millar. These are the same two guys who destroyed "Smallville".

2. Star Trek
To which "Star Trek" do I refer? The original series? "The Next Generation"? "Voyager"? "Deep Space Nine"? "Enterprise"? All of them, I guess. Of the sequels, I guess I liked "Voyager" the best. But as far as nerd obsession is concerned, the original takes the cake. The relationship between Kirk, Spock and Bones is literary perfection. The sci-fi is awesome and the show had a sort of excited optimism typical of its 1960s New Frontier outlook. And there is no other TV show in history that nerds can quote so readily. I'm sure there are many nerds that can recite entire episodes verbatim.

1. Lost
This is not only the greatest nerd TV show, in my book it's the greatest TV show of all time. First, the production values. Watching "Lost" is like watching a new theatrical movie every week. They spare no expense. Second, the acting. No cast in TV history can match the chops of this one. Third, and most important, is the incredible writing. It's not just the mind-blowing science fiction, it's the way that it's presented. Like a great magician, the writers of "Lost" are very careful about what they let you see and what they don't. They string us along, sometimes lulling us into a false sense of security, just to drop a bomb on us. And any show that simultaneously references Nikola Tesla, Faraday, numerology, conspiracy theories, Locke, cults, immortality, comic books (and do it all with humanity and humor) is a nerd's dream.

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Jeff Starr is San Francisco-based Impressionist oil painter who concentrates on themes of Japan, Dreams, Europe and California.

http://www.jeffreydalestarr.com/

The Top 10 Albums You Don't Own (Yet)

by Jeffrey Dale Starr

In truth, there are those of you who probably do own some of these albums. The intent of this list is to try to expose these great recordings to a wider audience. And if you're sick of the same old stuff, these albums will be a refreshing change. To quote the head of a cut-rate clothier, "I guarantee it".

10. Pere Ubu - "Ray Gun Suitcase"
David Thomas and Pere Ubu have been described as "avant-garde", "experimental", "pioneering". Trouble is, what usually goes along with that type of description is some crummy music. I love Pere Ubu, but admittedly, some of their CDs are a real chore to sit through. But this album is just perfect. All of the originality is there, but it is accompanied by great production, some catchy hooks and an overall eerieness that matches the CD cover perfectly.

9. Ivy - "In The Clear"
This is a smooth, relaxing, almost ambient album that puts me in a great mood whenever I hear it. Along with the ethereal feel, there are also some fun beats that keep you from dozing off. "I've Got You Memorized" is the kind of catchy that gets in your head and doesn't get out.

8. Crazy Quilt Bouquet - "CQB"
Lead Bouquet-er Robin Cowpertwait crafts the kind of clever, catchy tunes that are rarely heard anymore. Like a wonderful mix of XTC, Robyn Hitchcock and Al Stewart, you'll find yourself tapping your foot and laughing at the lyrics all at once. One song on the album, "Big Man", is simply one of the best songs you will ever hear by anyone. It's a perfect microcosm of CQB - great melody, overlapping harmonies, and hilarious lyrics.

7. A Girl Called Eddy - "A Girl Called Eddy"
I used to say that the best album to listen to if you're suffering from heartbreak is "The Queen Is Dead" by The Smiths. This album replaces it. Singer Erin Moran (no, not Joanie from "Happy Days") is the ultimate torch singer. Every song on this album is lush, beautiful and heart-wrenching. It is true that misery loves company, and if you're miserable from love gone bad this album is the best company you could have. Even more than Frank Sinatra's "In The Wee Small Hours", feeling bad never felt so good.

6. Komeda - "The Genius Of Komeda"
First of all, the title of the album is hilarious. Catchy, quirky, jazz-influenced songs that make you feel good from note 1. To give you an idea about this Swedish band, they started in 1991 as a pit band for a Buster Keaton film festival. Singer Lena Karlsson's voice is low and smooth, and the boys add punchy harmonies. This album is just fun, fun, fun.

5. Stereo Total - "Do The Bambi"
My friend Karen Ruiz introduced me to this band and I'm very grateful. I was at a loss to describe them, so I'll use Wikipedia's: "Their music can be described as a humorous mix of synth-pop, New Wave, electronica, punk rock, and pop music. " I guess that's right. I just know that this album is a blast to listen to. Even if you don't speak French, songs like "Tas de Tôle" are a delight.

4. The Sugarplastic - "Bang, The Earth Is Round"
That these guys haven't gotten bigger is a great tragedy. Heavily influenced by XTC, Kiara Geller crafts some of the most complex pop songs ever imagined. This album is catchy, catchy, catchy. One of the best live shows I've ever attended was a lineup of The Sugarplastic, Papas Fritas and The Orange Peels. Held at the tiny Bottom Of The Hill here in San Francisco, it was a magical evening.

3. Gordon Downie - "Coke Machine Glow"
I love The Tragically Hip. I have deep admiration for the fact that they've never really changed their unique sound. When a new CD comes out, you know what you're gonna get. But I can imagine that there are times when a writer has impulses that go outside of the paradigm. That's what this album by lead Hip Gordon Downie feels like. Of course, his wonderful poetry is still there, but the music is distinctly his own. Especially in the song "Chancellor" do we get a quiet, mellow groove that I've never heard on a Hip album. And "Canada Geese" is downright punk rock.

2. Papas Fritas - "Buildings And Grounds"
This band should have been huge. I think they just called it quits too soon (only 3 albums). I'm guessing part of the problem is that this, their final album, received some great critical praise but it didn't translate into commercial success. If you can imagine a mix of modern alternative rock and 70s light rock (Fleetwood Mac, The Little River Band's "Reminiscing", etc). It might sound cheesy, but this is a beautiful, relaxing album with very, very catchy grooves. It's one of those albums that once it gets under your skin you'll find yourself listening to it a million times more.

1. Gene - "Olympian"
When this album came out I was convinced that Gene was going to become one of the biggest bands in the world. Sadly, it didn't work out that way. As a band, they never made a bad song. But this album, their debut, is jam packed with great songs. Obviously influenced by The Smiths, Martin Rossiter and his bandmates still created a fully unique sound. Maybe they were done in by the impossible challenge of following up this incredible CD. It contains their best song, "Haunted By You" and their most moving song "Olympian". A tough, tough act to follow.

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Jeff Starr is San Francisco-based Impressionist oil painter who concentrates on themes of Japan, Dreams, Europe and California.

http://www.jeffreydalestarr.com/

The Top 10 Funniest Movies

by Jeffrey Dale Starr

Humor is highly subjective. It's like saying "chocolate cake is delicious!" To a lot of people, maybe, but not to everyone. It's hard for me to believe that anyone would disagree with the choices on my list, but then again, there are so-called 'comedy classics' that I just don't get. Every few years I'll rewatch "Caddyshack" and stare at the screen (and I'm a golf nut!). Just isn't that funny to me. Same with "Animal House". I love Bill Murray and John Belushi. Those movies just don't make me laugh.

These, however, make me laugh my head off:

10. Airplane!
This movie should be named "1001 Cheap Gags", except there are a lot more than 1001 gags in it. I don't recall this method being applied before- just keep throwing out one joke after another and a few are bound to stick. Of course, quite a few of the jokes fall flat, but so what? Five seconds later you're gonna get another one.

Favorite bit:

"This woman is very sick, we have to get her to the hospital immediately."

"The hospital, what is it?"

"It's a big building full of patients but that's not important right now."

9. Napoleon Dynamite
Back to the chocolate cake analogy, this may be the most polarizing comedy in film history. The people that like it, love it. Those that don't are left scratching their heads. For me, it connects on a visceral level because I used to live in a small town in West Texas and I feel like I personally knew half the cast. I've rubbed shoulders with my own Napoleon, Pedro and Uncle Rico. Brrrrr.

8. Love And Death
For me, many Woody Allen movies could have made this list: "Take The Money And Run", "Bananas", "Broadway Danny Rose". But to me, "Love And Death" has the most quality jokes. To parody great Russian epics was a masterstroke...the overly earnest seriousness is an easy target. And he wore those anachronistic modern frames!

Favorite bit:

"You have such beautiful skin."

"I know...it covers my whole body."

7. Dumb And Dumber
The Farrelly Brothers are very funny. At times, though, they seem like 12-year-olds with no boundaries or sense of self-control. That's why I view "Dumb And Dumber" as the best of their films. There are a handful of gross-out jokes (Jeff Daniels in Lauren Holly's bathroom is the epitome of 'bathroom humor'). But there are also a lot of genuinely funny, and even sweet, moments. Which is why I also like the underappreciated "Kingpin".

Favorite bit:

"What's the soup of the day?"

"The soup du jour."

"Mmmm....sounds good. I'll have that."

6. The Freshman
On paper, this movie shouldn't work. Marlon Brando acting like Vito Corleone in a comedy? Sounds awful. Instead, it's one of the funniest movies ever made. The Matthew Broderick character, Clark Kellogg, reminds me a lot of Alan Arkin in "The In-Laws". He's just this regular guy dragged into a crazy situation with truly crazy people. With all the wonderful acting by Brando, Broderick and Bruno Kirby my favorite character is still the outrageous Maxmillian Schell as "Larry London". I've seen it 20 times and will happily watch it 20 times more.

5. Blazing Saddles
A lot of people would put this at the top of their list. I do think it's very, very funny. I just think "Young Frankenstein" is Mel Brooks' true masterpiece. But there are a bunch of great gags (and a bunch of clunkers- wouldn't be Mel Brooks otherwise). As usual, Madeline Kahn steals every scene she's in. Gene Wilder seems kind of subdued throughout, but does have my favorite bit in the movie: showing how calm his hand is, but then admitting that he shoots with shaky other hand. Also love Mongo punching the horse.

4. The In-Laws
What a glorious, unexpected gem this movie was when it came out. Back in the 1970s, a lot of movies seemed to just show up at the theater with no fanfare. Unfortunately, not a lot of people saw this movie in the theaters (even though my father and I passionately tried to get people to see it). Alan Arkin's deadpan genius was a great precursor to Tony Shaloub's Monk. As Peter Falk continues to drag Arkin into increasingly dangerous and bizarre situations, Arkin seems to get more blase and almost catatonic. Two words say it all - "Serpentine, Sheldon!"

3. Young Frankenstein
Mel Brooks has made some of the worst movies in history. He has also made a few of the funniest. Maybe because he was following the blueprint of "Son Of Frankenstein", he was unusually disciplined making "Young Frankenstein", and the result was his best film. Not only does it look beautiful, but has dozens of truly hilarious lines and scenes. I never get tired of it. If it's on TV, I'm watching it. Another clue to the unusually funny script: it has been rumored that Gene Wilder came up with some of the best bits.

2. The Big Lebowski
The most quotable movie of our generation. The Coen Brothers had an explosion of creativity with this one - fully realized characters spouting off one great line after another. The simple fact that The Dude, Walter and Donny would be pals is a hilarious foundation that allows the wonderful dialog to flow. "They're nihilists!" "You want a toe? I can get you a toe by 3:00. With nail polish." "You're out of your element, Donny!" On and on and on.

1. Monty Python And The Holy Grail
There will never be a funnier movie than "Monty Python And The Holy Grail". Ever. It's official. If you removed 90% of the funny things in this movie, I still might have it at the top of my list. Like all great art, it blows my mind to consider that one year this movie didn't exist, and then the next year it did. It may be a cliche for nerds to mention this movie, but try to view it with an open mind, pretend you've never heard of it. It's incredible. Just the killer rabbit scene alone is worth the price of admission. Favorite line: When accusing a woman of being a witch, the wise man asks what floats. Someone in the crowd yells, "Very small rocks!". Ahhhhhhh.

(Just missed the list: "Duck Soup", "Waiting For Guffman", "Nacho Libre", "Midnight Run").

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Jeff Starr is San Francisco-based Impressionist oil painter who concentrates on themes of Japan, Dreams, Europe and California.

http://www.jeffreydalestarr.com/

The Top 10 Movies For Nerds

by Jeffrey Dale Starr

I am a nerd. I admit it with pride. I love comic books, anime, sci-fi, video games. I know every episode of Futurama word for word, I love both Devo and Weezer, and on top of it all, I'm a computer programmer. So don't be offended by the term "nerd"...they are my people.

10. Godzilla
This choice is more than just the King Of Monsters. I'm basically encapsulating all monster movies, foreign and domestic. Maybe I'll have a future post specifically for monster movies, but Godzilla is still the favorite of nerds. King Kong is a beautiful story; Frankenstein and Dracula come from classic literature; the camp of 50s monsters like "Tarantula" and "Them!" is a delight. But there is something extra cool about the giant fire-breathing dinosaur wiping out Tokyo with abandon. And his screeching, growling, freight-train of a voice alone gets our beloved Gojira on the list.

9. Buckaroo Banzai
I was 18 when this movie came out and it became an instant classic to me. My brother and I sat in a theater with four other patrons. By the time the ending credits ran, there were two other viewers left. Didn't matter. We knew it was genius. It was only at the theater for 3 or 4 weeks, but we still managed to see it 10 times (and later, countless times on video). It's a silly movie, but there are layers and layers and layers to this craziness. Emilio Lizardo is still John Lithgow's greatest role. Lectroids. The Hong Kong Cavaliers. Penny Pretty. If a good movie is like a meal, this classic is an all-you-can-eat buffet of nerd glory.

8. Akira
This is the "Citizen Kane" of futuristic anime. If you've never seen it, here's a great synopsis from Wikipedia: "Notable motifs in the film include youth culture, delinquency, psychic awareness, social unrest, the world's reaction towards a nuclear holocaust and Japan's post-war economic revival. The film also explores a number of psychological and philosophical themes, such as the nature of corruption, the will to power, and the growth from childhood to maturity both in individuals and the human race itself." For those who still view animation as "kid's stuff", that description isn't exactly My Little Pony.

7. 2001: A Space Odyssey
This is my favorite movie of all time. But I'm attempting to accurately represent my fellow nerds. What keeps this movie from ranking higher with many geeks is the lack of action. Not a single laser blast in its 160 minute running time. But that's Stanley Kubrick...he created more unease with silence and inactivity than 10,000 ham-handed horror directors combined. What does get props from nerds across the board is the mind-blowing sci-fi combined with the most ground-breaking special effects in movie history. Not to mention, IMHO, the greatest ending in the history of film.

6. Spider-Man 2
Much like Godzilla, this is a representative pick. I'm sure I'll have a future Top 10 Comic Book Movies blog entry before too long. So I decided to pick the nerd choice of superhero films (to me, it just edges out the original "Superman" movie). Why? Because watching this movie is the closest you can get to spending 2 hours reading a stack of Spidey comics. The casting is perfect, the pacing is perfect, the action is breathless, Stan Lee's heart is there, the wisecracks are genuinely funny. Yes, I have a certain Bat-film further up the list...but that's something more than just a superhero movie- much more.

5. Tron
When this movie came out, it didn't look like anything else. Twenty-six years later, it still doesn't look like anything else. I think this movie is great, and so do most nerds. The video game aspect is dated, but the artfulness of its cinema is still very impressive. Has a darker movie ever been filmed (I mean literally, not metaphorically, dark...it's very dimly lit)? All of that moody background makes the neon lighting more visually striking. Plus, it has the wonderful David Warner. What a great villain (see "Time After Time" and "Time Bandits").

4. The Matrix
If this series was never a series (meaning that it ended at movie #1) I would consider it one of the greatest movies ever made, period. But it is severely diminished by its two sequels. Of course, everyone went wild over the 360° special effects when "The Matrix" was first released. It truly revolutionized movie making. But what really excites nerds like me is the awesome story. The concept that we are all living in a fictitious world had been explored in literature and film before this, but never this effectively. Plus, the movie has wonderful spiritual undertones as well - when Neo first considers jumping from the rooftop it is literally a leap of faith.

3. The Dark Knight
As I mentioned earlier, this is no mere superhero movie. There's a reason why it's the second highest grossing movie of all time - this is a cinematic classic. It pleases the comic book nerds because it adheres very closely to the spirit of Batman on the written (and drawn) page. Batman is a gloomy jerk at times. He's often as much of a megalomaniac as the individual members of his wonderful rogues gallery. And Heath Ledger's Joker is one of the greatest performances in film history, period. Over time it will be mentioned in the same breath as DeNiro's Travis Bickle and Brando's Colonel Kurtz. Incredible cast, gorgeous cinematography, gritty realism, sharp dialog. Only one complaint - next time Christian Bale needs to dial down that ridiculous voice as Batman. I used to sound like that when I was making fun of the singer for Slayer.

2. The Empire Strikes Back
I used to say that Star Wars was the greatest film franchise in history. And that used to be true before a certain little story by J.R.R. Tolkein was put to celluloid. But I still love Star Wars with a passion, and the consensus among nerds is that Episode V is the best of the bunch. Which is amazing when you consider that it's a middle chapter with a ton of unresolved issues at the end. But it is such a feast for the eyes and mind: the great battle on Hoth; Yoda and his swampy home; the cloud city. It contains my favorite exchange in the entire series - Luke: "I can't believe it!" Yoda: "That is why you fail". And, of course, the greatest cinematic jaw-dropper since Norman Bates was revealed as his own mother: "Luke, I am your father!". Ahhhh. Still gets me.

1. The Return Of The King
What could be scarier than the job that Peter Jackson undertook? Unlike "Star Wars", which was being created anew, Jackson was tackling a story that millions of nerds knew like the back of their pudgy hands. If it wasn't perfect, they would have villified him. Instead, the trilogy was beyond perfect. More than any geek could have dreamed, the films added such grandeur and realism to the books as to be above reproach. Aside from perfect casting and meticulous visuals, Jackson also didn't scrimp on running time. That these 3-hour epics made as much money as they did testifies to their incredible popularity: most films are half as long so can be shown twice as many times a day in a theater. Unlike the other entrants on this list, these movies are perfect. And I picked "The Return Of The King" because it's the best of the three, but it doesn't matter - all 3 are absolute four star classics.

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Jeff Starr is San Francisco-based Impressionist oil painter who concentrates on themes of Japan, Dreams, Europe and California.

http://www.jeffreydalestarr.com/